Love = Responsibility

To love someone is to take responsibility for them.  Love can only be seen in actions.  Expressions of love are just wishful thinking.  The lesson of the Good Samaritan shows this rightly: to love is to take responsibility, it's a physical, real action that the lover takes and performs for the loved.

Holy Mary made this commitment to God, to be Responsible for bringing Him into the world, to be Responsible for His nurture to adulthood.  These are actions, not words.  It is for Her actions that we call Her Blessed, not for the promise.

When we speak of God's love, remember that He holds all things in existence.  This is The Supreme Act, to be Responsible for everything.

The Devil still exists, what are we to make of this?  That God is Responsible for him!  God doesn't stop being Responsible for you when you fail to live up to your responsibilities either.  Does this mean that God creates and maintains evil, No, it means that he takes Responsibility for giving Lucifer free-will, and the consequences of that.

The issue of Free-will is vital here, without free-will we cannot Take Responsibility.  If you are given responsibility as a slave, you perform your duty out of fear.  If you take responsibility freely, then you perform your duty as a free gift.

Jesus shows us by His voluntary acceptance of the Cross that God still takes responsibility for His creation.  Death appears to us to be the termination of existence, but Christ shows this is not so.  As long as we are the Responsibility of God we cannot be terminated.  God shows us that He will not forget His responsibility to maintain us in existence.

Everything we know about God, about Jesus, about the Father, about the Holy Spirit, shows us how He takes responsibility for His creation, all of it.  He has never, to our knowledge, snuffed out any part of it, forgotten it, and allowed it to un-exist.  Thus we can say, with confidence, that God is Love.

Where did the sermons go?

If you have been here before, you might have seen some sermons that I wrote on the readings and saints of a few Sundays.  I did three, but then I stopped.  The reasons are complicated, but in the end I decided, after much prayer, that I should not be doing this.  It's neither my place, nor something for which I have particular talent.  I've deleted the posts.

Humility

Boy this humility stuff is hard! I keep getting into semi-circular arguments with myself. Like:

1. I want to be humble.
2. I try to be humble.
3. I find that trying to be humble makes me proud of myself.
4. I ask God to help me be humble, because of (3).
5. I discover that I'm proud of asking God to help me to be humble.
6. At least I admit I can't fix it, oh no, I'm even proud of that!

and so it goes on and on. I can substitute almost any virtue for humility in similar sequences - obedience, repentance, even loving God. It makes me want to roll on the floor, crying my head off.

In a similar vein, I have been worrying about the English translation of the Jesus prayer, which usually goes like this:

Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

The Greek has the sinner, and the Russian, of course, just has sinner (Slavonic languages don't have definite and indefinite articles).

So should I substitute the sinner for a sinner? I tried it for a while, but in fact it seems to me to be an example of false pride, pride even in being uniquely sinful! This nuance of the English definite article probably doesn't exist in Greek. And in any case there is nothing unique about my sinfulness, I'm just the common variety of sinner.

Another concern: visible symbols. I wear a Celtic Cross round my neck at almost all times. Usually, when it's not physically dangerous, I have this outside my shirt. I do this deliberately to proclaim my Christian faith. But is this too a symbol of pride? Would I do it in a country where it would get me shot? On the whole I tend to the view that it is better for others to know who they are talking to, rather than for them to be embarrassed later.  It has helped with introductions in the past.

It's one thing to bear witness to Jesus and pride in His Salvation, but quite another to attempt to draw attention to myself as:

• better (or worse) than others
• some kind of teacher
• a role model
• in some way official

It's the same thing with the Orthodox Crucifix that I have on the dash of my car.

All this, of course, comes from the western thought patterns drilled into me by 62 years of living here. The dichotomy between thought and being. I am not the person I think I am. I am not the kind of person I want to be. This is a strange paradox, because although I can identify the behaviours that I want to to exhibit, I can't appear to be able to change my instinctive or habitual reactions to events so as to exhibit them.

It seems to me that this is what the psalmist means when he says (psalm 50):

my sin is ever before me

Your prayers, brothers and sisters, would be most welcome.

Love,
Richard.

Rage and Economics.

How should a Christian view the economic crisis?  What should our reaction be?  I suspect we are all troubled by these thoughts today.

There is the knee-jerk feeling of rage at politicians, bankers, rioters, and even just plain-old rich folk that we all know we have to confess and ask to be freed from.

And just in terms of practical things there are decisions to be made, for instance: do I buy ethical and fair-trade goods, or do I cut my bills by buying goods whose price makes me suspect that have an element of unfair trading, or even sweatshop labour in them?  Easy to answer this when you are sitting reading my blog, but much more difficult when the kids need food on the table and the budget is running out.

The right approach, it seems to me, is to start with repentance, and to make the difficulties an opportunity to make a new start.  I don't know if God has sent this crisis as a test for me, but I can at least act as if it is a test and ask that "what would Jesus do?" question as often as I can.

The only person whose reaction to these events that I can affect is me.  It's only me that I can change, and even then I can only do that by asking for the Holy Spirit to do the actual job.  I will never stop my knee-jerk feelings of anger at the seeming injustice of things myself - oh I might stop it going further than a feeling, but to stop having the feeling itself - no chance.

I am sorry that I hold people to blame for the crisis, truly I'm sorry, but I still do hold them to blame. I know also that I have a lot of guilt myself - my western, centrally-heated, adequate-pensioned, well fed and clothed lifestyle has come about by plundering the world, both the animate and the inanimate over centuries, but especially over the last 60 years (I'm 62 next February).  I could make a change today: I could just eat a Monk's rations, turn the heating down to 10 degrees Celsius and put on some more old clothes, but I shouldn't.

In fact if we all did this, instead of the world quickly becoming a better place, it would descend very very quickly into chaos.  Billions of people would starve, most livelihoods would disappear overnight.  Supermarket businesses would crash, hauliers would be out of work, ships would be empty of cargoes, the FTSE would go below 500 (it's 5400 today, down from about 7000 at it's peak in 2000), and millions of businesses worldwide would be bankrupt.  The people who would starve first would be those in the 3rd world, and the starvation and death would be worse than WW2.  A world war would also be inevitable as nations would try to steal from others, it might even go nuclear.

It seems to me that we have a terrifying future, and unless the world economic cycle turns upwards again soon, there will be much misery famine and death.

So what do I do?

After a lot of prayer, I think (and God please correct me if I am wrong about this) that I have to continue to be a modern economic entity.  I have to take my income and spend it on ethically produced goods and services, saving enough for me to provide for a moderate but not profligate old age which is not a burden on anyone else.  I have to keep up my charitable giving, not make that the first place to cut, but increase it if possible.  Above all I have to continue to pray.

The very last thing to do is to hoard, that really is the worst thing to do.  To some extent the liquidity crisis in the world economy is down to the retirement savings of billions taking economic resources out of the market.  Money in a bank is just a waste unless it is used to enable economic growth.  A risk-averse banking system is just a reflection of our old-age-centred western economies.  When I was young I had nothing, and could happily risk it all. Now I am old I want security, I want guarantees, but in truth there is no security, and all human promises, except one, are worthless.

Only one human has ever made a promise that was worthwhile believing.  It's that Chap on the icon to the right of the Holy Doors.

So within that understanding, it only makes sense to pray that I will do what Jesus would do in my place.

The Oak Tree

I drove home today, Great and Holy Saturday, from Matins, and as I went, I saw beside the road an Oak Tree.  Clearly it has had the temerity to grow too close to the road, for someone has lopped off most of the branches that, until recently, overhung the road.
The tree is old, much older than the road, older probably than the old railway that the road is built on.  It is one of those great old oaks that abound in English fields.
It occurred to me that this Oak is an icon of Christ.
The oak stands in the ground obeying the Father's law for trees: stand in the ground and grow: take in the air and make wood and leaves and acorns.  The oak obeys His law perfectly, it stands there, the winds blow, the seasons pass, it grows; men come and lop bits off and burn them, but it never complains, it stands there and turns air into wood and leaves, and sometimes acorns.
Christ stands at the centre of all things, He too obeys the Father's law perfectly: stand at the centre of all things and love and make Saints.
Men come and lop off His Saints and burn them, Men come and nail Him to a tree,  but He does not complain, He still stands there at the centre of all things, and loves, and sometimes He makes Saints.

Caring for the Elderly

My mother (84) is cared for by my father (90), she has Alzheimer's dementia, and he has all sorts of physical problems.  Recently mother has had a UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) which, as you will know if you have ever been involved with the elderly, causes all sorts of problems such as weakness of the legs leading to a propensity to fall, and even disorientation.  After a number of falls, she was hospitalised, and remained in hospital for four weeks.  This gave father a rest of sorts, but at the same time he has been suffering from a blocked artery in his right leg and can't stand or walk for very long without great pain as the fatigue products build up in the muscles.

We started to think that mother's time at home was coming to an end, and she would go from hospital into a long-term dementia care home.  However, this takes a long time to organise, and in the end she got over the UTI and the hospital was planning to discharge her.  I decided to go and support my father for a while, and to evaluate how urgent the need was for her to move to long-term care.

When I collected her from hospital she was excited about going home, but by the time we arrived there she could not even remember being in hospital, and worse, she did not recognise her own home. On that first night, I stayed awake in case she woke in the night disoriented.  She did.  I didn't know that I had nursing skills, certainly a son would not expect to have to help his mother with her toilet, but these things sometimes must happen.

Curiously, I found that I was able to do these things without problems, and I put this down entirely to the strength that God has given me in recent weeks.  It is not me that helps her, but God, using my hands.  In a very strange way I am grateful for the opportunity He has given me to do this for her.

The next morning I started to telephone about for help,  Soon I found the County's Social Worker, and she began to arrange for Carers to attend four times a day.  I also got her Doctor to visit, and he told me that disorientation was common with dementia patients who were moved, but that it might well settle.

And sure enough, she started to improve immediately, especially once the specialist dementia carers came to visit regularly.  Within a couple of days she was sleeping all night without problems, and being quite animated during the day.

For me that allowed concentration on helping father with the shopping and cooking, not something that I usually enjoy.  However, once again, my newly developing patience has been a boon.  Glory to God for changing me, just in time.

Yesterday, we all decided that I could leave, everything was stable, and manageable for father.  Mother is happy, and loves her new caring friends who wash her and help her, and talk to her with enthusiasm and encouragement.  I also took her for a short walk outside, for the first time in two years, and have a promise from the Carers that they will repeat this when the weather is suitable.

As I drove home in the night, it's 300 miles, I listened to a podcast from Fr. Stephen Freeman about what he calls the One-Story Universe, you know, the one where God, the Angels and the Saints are here with us all the time, and not just on Sunday.  I became aware as the idea crept into my mind that I was driving with the Saints in the car with me, and that those other cars were filled with Angels too, and that I had not left my parents alone either.  It was dark and raining, but the night seemed very bright to me. I kept singing the invocation prayer:

"O Heavenly King, Comforter, Spirit of truth, who art everywhere present and fillest all things,
Treasury of blessings and Giver of Life:  Come, and abide in us; cleanse us from all impurity, and of thy Goodness, save our souls."

The six hours passed easily, and I arrived home about midnight, filled, as if after receiving communion, with a great joy.

It's still with me this morning, it was with me at Matins, I pray it will stay with me always.

God's ways are not our ways, He waits for the right time, for the right place, and then He acts.  Without my mother's dementia, and my father's thrombosis, would I have known this joy?  Only God knows that, but today I am thankful for a whole lot.

Love
Richard.

Mother's Union

At short notice, I've been asked to give a short talk to the village Mother's Union.  The MU is a Christian organisation for women.  This particular bunch know me well, and it is from their church that I converted to Orthodoxy, so this is an interesting challenge.

In a perfect scenario, I would wow them with the splendour of our ancient faith, and they would go away, like Prince Vladimir's emissaries to Constantinople in the 980's saying that they had seen heaven on earth.  I suspect it will not be so, but can I hope to get across the message that Orthodoxy is not just another Christian Sect, or, to quote a hated word 'denomination'?

I will have to take five minutes to give the abbreviated history, to explain jurisdictions of bishops and patriarchs, and to show how the faith blossomed under persecution, became the Roman state religion, developed further in the Byzantine period, moved to Russia when Islam spread west, and finally blossomed as the diaspora forced it out into the west.  I need to let them know that the difference between a Greek and Russian Orthodox is the language, and the culture - things like the tunes the prayers are sung to, but not the theology, nor the words of the Liturgy, Office and Hours.

But will this get over to them the Fullness of the Faith that they are missing in their Protestant, Church for one hour on Sunday, I want to be buried near my Dad in the village churchyard, I've always sat in the this pew like my Mum did for 97 years, I like praying because God likes a good chat, kind of Christianity?

I doubt it.  If I do, it will be Him and not me speaking.  I think the best I might do is to remove a little of the misunderstanding.

Life is full of challenges.
Love, Richard.

Kathismata

As mentioned in a previous blog article, I started to say a new Daily Office almost exactly two months ago, the office is to say Matins and Vespers every day.  Usually this is just a reader service at home, but occasionally I make it down the road to pray with the community in Keswick, and usually make it to Saturday Great Vespers at our borrowed chapel in Braithwaite.
The reader services said at home started off as very simple versions without Stikos, Troparia, and certainly without the Kathisma of psalms.  Matins, for instance, even the simple version that I use includes six openings psalms: 3*, 37, 62, 87, 102, 142), then after the Gospel there is psalm 50, and then the three psalms of Lauds: 148, 149, 150.  And in Vespers there are fewer, but still 103, 140, 141, 129, and 116.
But something very strange happened to me.  As I said these psalms every day, I found that my concentration on the beauty of the words started to still my mind.  Without realising it I was falling in love with the psalms, and as anyone who has fallen in love will tell you, you cannot get enough of your love.
So I stated to experiment with adding a kathisma to Vespers.  I can say Vespers without a kathisma in about 20 minutes, and a kathisma takes about 15 minutes.
Now because the kathisma psalms change every day, even at Vespers in this season, I can't do other than really concentrate on the words, there is no space left in my mind to worry about life and it's concerns.  One needs to concentrate very hard to do the two tasks: chant the words beautifully and meaningfully; and: understand the theological values expressed.
With, say, psalm 50, which I have said at least once a day for over 18 months now, I can chant it without error and be thinking of something completely unrelated, but with these kathisma psalms I just can't do that.  Which is wonderful, because the ego-self just shuts up for a while.
Fr John says that this is when the Holy Spirit can get to work on the soul, but I have to admit that I have only noticed this in hindsight.  I am calmer, I am easier to get along with, I am more sympathetic, and I am a lot more patient.
So now I have added the kathismata to matins too, which means a prayer time of over an hour before dawn.  Strangely this is not at all a struggle, I leap out of bed when the alarm goes, rush into my study and start off as soon as I can.
So I decided to write this as a sort of progress report, it will be interesting to see if I can keep it up, especially when Great Lent arrives and Matins has three kathismata.

Love,
Richard.

* I use the Septuagint numbering for psalms, as is usual in the Orthodox church.

Attacks on Christians in the Middle East and elsewhere

Like most everyone I read about the bomb blast in Egypt with a sense of horror.  After all these centuries of toleration of Christians in Islamic countries, as required by the Holy Qur'an, now we find militant pseudo-islam, as promulgated by Al Qa’ida and others, actively encouraging their youth to strap on explosives and go and kill themselves in crowds of local Christians.

As an Orthodox Christian who has read the Qur'an, albeit in an English translation, I can say that despite there being a lot said in it about killing the enemies of the Islam, there is also a lot about tolerating the Christians who are not disturbing Islamic life.  Notably this verse:

Verily! Those who believe and those who are Jews and Christians, and Sabians, whoever believes in God and the Last Day and do righteous good deeds shall have their reward with their Lord, on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve

Now it may well be, and I sympathise with the view, that foreign powers from the West have destabilised and persecuted many in the middle east, mainly so that the oil can be plundered cheaply.  And these powers might be perceived as Christian, but like the Catholic Terrorists of the Crusades (which is the best way I can think of describing them succinctly), these powers are most decidedly not Christian.  The God worshipped in Washington and London is a yellow idol with the atomic number 79, any taint of Christianity left there long ago.  I have similar suspicions of the motives of those in power most countries, Eastern or Western.

We should not be so naive as to think that the management of Al Qa'ida doesn't know this.  The suicide bomber is just as much a victim as those he takes with him.  These men are just as evil as the elected dictators of the West, their actions are not for the betterment of the lot of their followers, their God is not Gold, but it is Power.

Think of it, if you worship power over people, what greater thrill could you have than to say to someone: "go and kill yourself for me".

Christ our God, you tolerated the Hebrews when they worshipped idols and offered their children to foreign gods.  Time after time, you forgave them and helped them return to you.  You raised up great prophets to remind your people of their covenant. Help us to suffer these same things in our modern world gladly for your sake.  Receive the martyrs of this age as you receive those from every age.

Holy New Martyrs pray for us to Christ God that our souls, and those of the misguided ones who killed you, may be saved.

Love,
Richard

Daily Office

I am a member of the Monachos.net community, a frequent contributor to the forums there.  Well, I say 'contributor', but mostly I hang out there to gain a little understanding of orthodoxy through the eyes of those well versed in it.  It sure is an education!

One discussion centred on the use of the Jesus Prayer in personal meditation, contrasting our approach to that of say, Zen meditation or even Christian Meditation as proposed by WCCM.org.

The discussion left me a little dissatisfied with my prayer rule - which was self-prescribed and pre-dates my being joined to Holy Orthodoxy.  I have been in the habit of saying the Rule of St Pachomius, basically the Opening Prayers from the Hours, Psalm 50, the Creed, and then 10 minutes Jesus Prayer, and then some closing prayers - all in all about 20 minutes, twice a day. I used to use a prayer rope and do 100 Jesus Prayers, but found I was spending more time counting than praying, so I switched to using the cellphone countdown timer - which leaves one hand's free to pray! (as recommended by Archimandrite Meletios Webber)

Well, being dissatisfied I went to Father John and asked for a new prayer rule.  Long discussion ensured about standing in the conflict with God, and how the Holy Spirit works to cleanse the heart.  The standing is important, not sitting or kneeling.

So for the last week I have been chanting Matins and Vespers, as reader services.  So far, without the Kathismata of psalms, which more than double the length of the services on most days.  I'll add those gradually if my strength holds, after my throat has got used to chanting.
Far from being a chore, I have to say these last few days have been wonderful, I am looking forward to Matins as I lay down in the evening, and after the sun sets my thoughts turn straight to Vespers.  There also seems to be a calming of my anger, especially my snappiness when interrupted in thought, for which I am truly grateful. We will see if these benefits are sustained, or if the demons have just retired for a while to return refreshed.
What is quite interesting, if I look at myself in a detached sort of way, is that my concentration is on singing the prayers and meaning the words, and not on feeling the presence of God - right now I want to be able to sing the psalms without hesitation, phrasing them properly, hearing each word clearly.  It is very easy when meditating to imagine light and warmth and so end up feeling good - but that doesn't last, it goes at the first stumbling block - on reflection the good feeling is probably not from God at all, it's just the ego-self exercising its pride.
I ask for your prayers that I can maintain this discipline.
Love,
Richard.

Psalm 100

I will sing to thee of mercy and judgement, O Lord: I will sing and find understanding on a blameless path; when wilt thou come to me?

I have walked in the innocence of my heart: in the midst of my house.

I have set no lawless thing before mine eyes: I have hated those who work wickedness.

A crooked heart has not cleaved to me: the wicked man who turned from me I have not acknowledged.

Whosoever secretly slanders his neighbour, him have I driven away: I have not eaten with him who has a proud look and a greedy heart.

Mine eyes are upon the faithful of the land, that they may sit down with me: he who walks in a blameless path has ministered to me.

The arrogant has not dwelt within my house: the teller of lies has not prospered in my sight.

Each morning I would slay all sinners in the land: that I might root out all evil doers from the city of the Lord.  (Psalm 100/101) 

I read this psalm once again this morning, and got quite a lot out of it, so it seems appropriate to write something.  It's a long time since I wrote a blog entry here, mainly because I have become much more sensitive about expressing my own opinions, but also because I just have not had much to say.

When we look at a piece of Old Testament Scripture like this psalm, it's easy to look at it as a historical comment, and forget that the Fathers have told us that it is written specifically for us.  Given the number of people that it was written for then, it is a mystery how it is written for me, this morning, and yet it seems to be.

• I do sing, almost all the time, of God's mercy and judgement, I am waiting for a sign that my prayers are answered.
• I am trying to defeat sin and become again innocent.
• One of my major sin areas is mainly triggered by sights, and I am actively trying to prevent myself from 'seeing' them.
• I am the wicked man, but I am trying to get him to go away.
• I am looking to the Fathers, to the Scriptures, and to Christian friends as examples.
• Another area of sin is Vainglory, constant thinking of how I will appear to the world.  This is arrogance and pride.  It must not prosper.
• And I love the last line.  Every morning is a new start, and a new opportunity to try to get it right, a new opportunity to to root out the evil in my heart, and ask God to get rid of it.

Little Psalm, lots of good messages.  It was written for me, for me to read today.

Love in Christ.

Epektasis

It's Greek (ἐπέκτασις), and it means Constant Progress. I once had a web log called Disconnected Jottings, but I discovered after a while that everything was connected, and so this didn't seem like such a good idea. I also wanted to move my active web log to my new email address, so that I didn't need to keep logging into Google as I switched back and forth.

Disconnected Jottings documented the story of my gradual movement from atheism, through discontented Anglicanism, to Orthodoxy. Along the way I wrote some articles for the local Anglican parish newspaper, and they show a little of the process that seems to have started in me following my meeting with orthodoxy in the person of Fr John. What I want to do in this blog is to talk a little about where I go from here, I can only pray that it will be progress, and that it will be constant.

The term epektasis is used by Saint Gregory of Nyssa (+~394), one of the three great fathers of the church from Cappadocia, now in Turkey, but at the time a province of the Eastern Roman Empire.

Saint Gregory believes that it is possible for every human to continually get closer and closer to God, never actually becoming God, of course. The orthodox call this Deification or Theosis (Θέωσις), and it is the goal of an orthodox life. Theosis is why monks shut themselves in cells, and Stylites sit atop their pillars. Theosis is impossible for us, but with God nothing is impossible. When someone makes it to a certain stage of theosis, we start to see God in them, and we call this Saintliness. Saints are people who have achieved a certain degree of theosis.

Holy Orthodoxy

This will be just a short post to bring things up to date.

As you will know, if you have followed this blog from it's beginnings in October 2009, I have been moving gradually to Holy Orthodoxy.  Well, in January during Theophany, I asked Fr John to prepare me for formal acceptance into the Orthodox communion.  Since then I have been attending Divine Liturgy every Sunday and, during Great Lent, one or two services of Matins or Vespers during the week.

I was formally accepted as a catechumen on Sunday 7th February, incidentally the feast of my patron saint Richard of Wessex (+722), and my 60th birthday.

The plan was to be chrismated at the Paschal Liturgy, but in the end I had last minute concerns during the intensity of Holy Week, and I was actually chrismated on The Sunday of the Samaritan Woman, May 2nd 2010.

So now I can truly say that I have arrived at the beginning....



Love in Christ,

Richard.

Wisdom, Faith, and Repentance

I was lying in bed, half in prayer and half asleep, when it came to me that there are a number of linked ideas that have worried me for ages.  So I wrote this to get them off my chest a couple of days ago.



Knowledge, as an example, is only of any benefit if it is used for good.  Knowledge about God, is pure hell if it is not accompanied by knowledge of God - this is exactly where Lucifer is right now.  And confession of one's sins is only of benefit, only works it's healing grace, if accompanied by true repentance and  a firm resolve not to repeat the offence.



And in the case of addictive, possibly just habitual, sins there is a great problem.  We confess, and indeed repent, after each offence, but we know that there is no chance of avoiding recidivism without external help.  We can resolve away, but we are incapable of breaking the cycle of sin.  It's all very well for the Fathers, like Abba Sisoes, to say when you fall again, stand up and start again "Until you have been seized either by virtue or by sin.", but from here it looks like a pattern that will be repeated forever, and that offers no hope - indeed we are already seized by sin.  And hope is essential - without hope there is no faith.



So now, how do we approach confession of such sins?  Can we truly stand before Christ the Judge and say that we repent, knowing that we will probably repeat the offence later that very day?  And here it seems to me that we should find the greatest benefit of Sacramental Confession: even though Christ, to whom we confess, never sinned, the priest who stands beside us did, and does, and inspired by the Holy Spirit, his advice and guidance are, perhaps, just that is needed to break the cycle.



No, we probably can't say with honesty that we have confessed every sin of which we are aware, we certainly can't say with honesty that we will not sin again, but we can confess what we can, and receive forgiveness, and maybe more important: inspired advice from our spiritual father.  This will be the external help that we need to break the cycle.  Perhaps not this time round, but one day soon.  And there is the Hope, and Faith.



OK, that's the theory.  But if one (just one of many)  of your big sins is all about how you perceive other people see you, then there is a great hurdle to cross even to get to Sacramental Confession.  Here is this man, your father, who you respect more than anyone living, and you are going to tell him about these dirty filthy things you do habitually. For sure his opinion of you is going to be changed forever, isn't it?  How can you do this to yourself?  Because, and here's the rub: the self will not let you do this to it.  The sin of pride. You can even write about it (sinfully, in the hope that the reader will think you humble) - but actually do it?  No?  Well we'll see, because that is the next step for me.

O Lord, break my spirit, so that I can be saved.

I begin to perceive, dimly, what God meant when he told Saint Silouan the Athonite to "keep his mind in hell, and not despair."



Well, I wrote that earlier this week.  Yesterday I finally plucked up the courage (or rather my guardian saints and angel finally cajoled me) to make my first Orthodox Confession.  As expected, it was not a pleasant experience. But, everything I hoped for, everything promised, has been delivered.



I feel as if my great sins are now behind a sort of veil, I can still see them, but they are just facts, not of any great import any more.  Behind that veil my past life still exists, the high points still shine, the low points still sit in their dark corners, but they are no longer a festering dead weight. Nothing I have ever done has achieved anything like this.



I am still wondering how it happened.  Father said very little, he prayed the prescribed prayers, we stood by the Cross, we looked at Christ hanging there naked, dying, but triumphant.  I said my piece, as I had prepared it, holding nothing back.  I knelt under his stole, Father gave the absolution, while I cried a little.



As a friend wrote to me yesterday, all this comes about through the 'Master of Ceremonies' - the Holy Spirit.  Another friend sent me this prayer from St Simeon the New Theologian:





Forgive me my sins and grant me pardon.

Thou knowest the multitude of my evil-doings,

Thou knowest also my wounds,

And Thou seest my bruises.

But Thou knowest also my faith,

And Thou beholdest my willingness,

And Thou hearest my sighs.

Nothing escapeth Thee, my God,

My Maker, my Redeemer,

Not even a tear-drop,

Nor a fraction of a tear-drop.



I know, O Saviour, that no one

Hath sinned against Thee as I,

Nor hath done the deeds

That I have committed.

But this again I know:

That neither the greatness of transgressions

Nor the multitude of my sins

Can surpass the great patience

Of my God, and His extreme love for men.

But with the oil of compassion

Thou dost purify and enlighten them that fervently repent

And Thou makest them children of light,

And sharers of Thy Divine Nature.





Richard.

The Great Fast

Well here we are again, back in the Great Fast of Lent.  I wanted to share three things with you:

Firstly, for my Lenten studies this year I decided to revisit some of the writings of the early Fathers.  I have told you before how moving I find them.  I was pointed by a friend to a Lent reading list on the Internet  which gives a reading for each day, and I'm trying to follow this pattern.

On Shrove Tuesday, which for the Orthodox is actually the second day of Great Lent, it having started with the Vespers of Forgiveness Sunday, I came immediately on this little phrase from the letter to Diognetus (Chapter 6):

"To sum up all in one word: what the soul is to the body, that are Christians to the world."

Isn't that a wonderful thought?

It reminds me of Jill Edward's excellent article in the February 2010 Binsey Beacon, where she calls on us to pray for our nation, to make intercession, to meet with God on behalf  of the world.

Now the letter is generally dated about 130AD, so it is not completely impossible that the author was  taught by one of the Apostles, most probably St Paul, as the language is generally Pauline.

So during Lent of all times, let us prepare ourselves to celebrate the Passion, and most particularly the Resurrection, of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, by doing what we were made to do.  In this then we will be in His image.

Secondly, one of the customs of Forgiveness Sunday is to ask forgiveness of everyone, just in case something you have done as caused offence.  So I ask your forgiveness, and say in all sincerity to you, that should you have cause me offence, I forgive you too.  At Vespers we do this by each kneeling before the other, and saying 'Forgive me', then rising to kiss the other on the cheeks.  Consider yourself prostrated to, and kissed.

And finally, during Lent the Orthodox add the Prayer of St Ephrem the Syrian to our daily office, it's worth sharing:

Lord and Master of my life, give me not a spirit of sloth, faint-heartedness, lust for power and idle talk, but give me rather a spirit of chastity, humility, patience and love. O Lord and King, grant me to see my own faults and not to judge my brother or sister: for blessed art thou to the ages of ages. Amen.

Love in Christ, Richard.

Public Prayer

Previously I've posted  concerning private prayer and a person's life of unceasing prayer in and around their normal life of work and family. In this post I want to look at the prayer of The Church, the public prayer of The Christians together.

The central pivot of the Church's prayer is called the Divine Liturgy, or Holy Mass, or Holy Communion. The word Liturgy, which is the word used by the Orthodox, comes from an ancient (pre-Christian) Greek concept leitourgia, which meant that the rich would take on some extra duties which the poor could not afford to do. This is exactly what we are doing in the Holy Communion, we are making an offering on behalf of the whole world, and receiving from God, both ourselves personally, but also our community and the rest of creation, the Holy Gift, Jesus.

The other word we hear is the Greek noun eucharistía which literally means “Good Favour”. The Greek word Eucharistéō is the usual verb "to thank". The word “Mass”, by the way, comes from the final prayer of the Latin rite: Missa est, it was just a dismissal, but has been given an implication of “mission”, an icon of the missionary nature of the Church.

We appear to offer bread and wine, together with ourselves and our service, in return God comes to us himself and makes us anew. We are empowered, indeed commanded, to make this offering as we are the Royal Priesthood; commanded by none other than Christ Jesus himself. How Jesus comes to us as the Gift of God is a mystery, and this is why we call this a 'sacrament' - a Latin translation of the Greek Mysterion.

I call Holy Communion, the pivot because all other public prayer surrounds it and depends on it. In the early days of the church, the people of God lived in close communities and met for a common meal every day where the Holy Offering could be made (bread and wine offered), and the Gift received in fellowship. As Christianity spread wider into the community the custom of meeting for the Offering became a weekly event on the Lord's Day. This pattern is still maintained in the Orthodox and Roman Catholic communions, and this is also mostly true in the protestant churches of the classical reformation (for instance, the Lutherans, and Church of England), sadly it has died out in many modern reformed groups.

Our other public prayers are derived from the monastic tradition of praying every hour. Clearly nothing much would get done in the world if like monks and nuns, everyone stopped to pray for 15 minutes every hour, and even in monasteries the Hours are run together. But in truth these formal prayers are part and parcel of the Holy Liturgy – they are the Holy Liturgy in the daily and hourly life of The Church. Not everyone can be at every service, but by joining the public prayer in some way, we are joining ourselves to the offering of the Church.

There are then certainly two parts, equally important, to prayer: our own personal dialogue with God; and the great work of the Church as we make the Holy Offering together. Because we have Christ, we are the rich ones, and so we can afford to offer the leitourgia: in truth then we offer Him, the one and only worthy offering. And in return the whole world, the whole of creation, receives the Holy Gifts - not received because we are worthy, but because God loves us. Remember He loves everyone: those who know Him and love Him; those who once knew Him, but seem now to have forgotten Him; those who never knew Him; even those who know of Him but hate Him.

Love to you all,

Richard.

Sin is Personal

If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.

A.I. Solzhenitsyn

This little quotation says so much to me.   Some people say that they think of me as being good, but I know myself to be a sinner.  My heart contains so much to be sorry for, as well as so much to be grateful for.



For example, only one of many, I have a terrible temper, especially when I blame myself for something.  I am liable to go into a complete ranting rage at a moment's notice.  There appears to be nothing that I can do about it.  I also have difficulties with other passions.  Most of these are habits, and I would dearly like to have them behind me.



In fact when I think about it, I have all the passions: Pride, Anger, Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Avarice, Sloth; but also in some strange way hints of all the virtues: Humility, Patience, Chastity, Contentedness, Temperance, Liberality, and Diligence.  This is what Aleksandr is saying in the quote above.  Defeating sin is about moving our own personal dividing lines.



And defeating sin is an internal battle: the devil is pretty simplistic in his approach, "if he did it yesterday, lets see if we can fool him into doing it again today" is his favourite ploy.  Not being a creator, he doesn't do well in the innovation stakes.  For true innovation in sinning you want a human, but once invented the devil is quite happy to nudge you into it time after time after time...



It's easy to say "avoid the opportunities for sin", but in practise this is impossible.  Yes, we can avoid pubs to avoid drink, but then we cut ourselves off from companionship with people for whom we may be called to help.  I could give up woodwork, so that I didn't get angry when I cut the wood wrong - but then I couldn't make the things that people love.  We could give up marriage, so we couldn't hurt the ones we love.



In fact we can't avoid sin, it is already in our hearts.  All we can do is turn back every time to God and repent - and then ask for Grace to do better.  Only God can take the stain of sin from our hearts, and He will only do it if he is asked.

This is what is meant by "standing in the struggle".

St Basil the Great wrote this:

Blessed, therefore, is he who did not continue in the way of sinners but passed quickly by better reasoning to a pious way of life.  For there are two ways opposed to each other, the one wide and broad, the other narrow and close ...  Now,  the smooth and downward way has a deceptive guide, a wicked demon, who drags his followers through pleasure to destruction, but the rough and steep way has a good angel, who leads his followers through the toils of virtue to a blessed end.

Notice the words 'continue' and 'quickly' in the first sentence, and the phrase 'toils of virtue' in the last. And this is a story about a monk from Kiev:

A brother asked Abba Sisoes, saying, "What shall I do, Abba, for I have fallen?"  The old man answered, "Get up again."  The brother says,"I got up and fell again."  The old man continued, "Get up again and again."  The brother asked, "'till when?"  The old man answered, "Until you have been seized either by virtue or by sin."

It's clear then, the Fathers tell us that we have to find a way to the rough and steep path that leads to the blessed end. But that we will step off that path, and when we do we must immediately step back on again, albeit a little further from our goal. Confess the sin, turn to God, immediately begin to struggle upwards again.



What, after all, was the Problem in The Garden of Eden?  Was it the eating of the forbidden fruit?  Or was it, perhaps, the lie, the attempt to hide the broken commandment, the fear of being found out?  Yes, the breaking of the command was the sin, but the stain on their hearts, on our hearts still today, is the fear of being found out.  This is why we must immediately confess and ask for forgiveness - the longer we wait the worse the stain, the worse the rot.



A quote from St. Silouan of Athos:

The heart-stirrings of a good man are good; those of a wicked person are wicked; but everyone must learn how to combat intrusive thoughts, and turn the bad into good. This is the mark of the soul that is well versed.

How does this come about, you will ask?

Here is the way of it: just as a man knows when he is cold or when he feels hot, so does the man who has experienced the Holy Spirit know when grace is in his soul, or when evil spirits approach.

The Lord gives the soul understanding to recognize His coming, and love Him and do His will. In the same way the soul recognizes thoughts which proceed from the enemy, not by their outward form but by their effect on her [the soul].

This is knowledge born of experience;  and the man with no experience is easily duped by the enemy.

The Lord should have the last word here (Luke 6:45):

The good man out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil man out of his evil treasure produces evil; for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

On Sin

The traditional understanding of sin in this country (England) derives mostly from the Roman concepts of legal debt and erroneous concept of the Latin Church that Adam's fall changed us into creatures somehow different from those that God created in Eden.

The idea that sin is in some way held in a kind of 'account', and then meritorious works somehow cancel these debts, is part of the Latin heritage, and it has permeated the language of the Anglican church too. I find this unhelpful as a concept, the thought of having to pay off my account is enough to send me into deep deep depression. Because, like St Paul, I am a great sinner, and like him I persecuted and pilloried the faithful for many years. God be praised that also like him I have seen the light, albeit not quite as brightly – yet.

These are not, however, the concepts of the early Church Fathers who saw sin as a turning away from, or rejection, of God AND his offer of Eternal Life in Him. For the Fathers Adam's fall was as if the Perfection of Adam was obscured by sin, under that shroud the perfection is still in existence – we are still made “in His image” - only God can see it, but it is still there. Christ shows us by his submission, even to revilement and death, the way back to God and to perfection. This is the triumph of the Cross, that by submission to God we can all be made perfect, but the way leads though agony. This is however a cup that you can pick up, or one you can let go by.

All the Fathers agree that God has given his creatures complete freedom to choose, and we retain that freedom forever. It is not the belief in God that brings salvation - the devil and the fallen angels know full well the truth, but have rejected it – it is the acceptance of God's will that enables Him to bring salvation.

This is why it is so important to understand that Jesus was both fully Man and fully God. In his Humanity he shows us what can be achieved if we ask. He did conquer all the temptations of a human life, and then, just for us, submitted to the agony of death and resurrection. He didn't need to go though the agony for himself, he didn't go to 'pay off' our account of sins. No, he went through the agony to show us what God could achieve if we ask him, and to show us that the process would bring pain before it brought life. The Fathers also taught that while in the tomb he showed this to all the dead, so opening the way to life, even to them. On Great Pascha (Passover, Easter) the Orthodox sing the hymn (it's much better in Greek):

Christ is risen from the dead,

Trampling down death by death,

And to those in the tombs he has given Life.

When you next go to St Bega's, Bassenthwaite, look at the ancient Crucifix over the pulpit, the Cross stands in the open tomb, the scull and bones are Adam's; but they are ours too.

So how do we handle our sin? The first thing to say is “turn back to God”, which is another way of saying “pray”. You have broken the relationship you had with Him, so do what you would do for any relationship that you have broken and want to mend – ask for forgiveness. But don't get hung up on the sin, it isn't an irretrievable situation – this is Christ's Good News: “life for sinners, follow me!” And don't get into self over-analysis, that way leads to depression - an opportunity for the devil - it is no way out, and it leads to death.

A wise man, probably a modern saint, Archimandrite Sophrony Sakharov (the title means roughly Chief Abbot – a monk, he died in Essex) said: “You know, we pick and poke away, hunting for every little mistake or thought, and we make ourselves crazy, all for nothing. It becomes an obsession, and really makes a wall between us and God, leaving no room for grace to act. Yes, we must know our sins, and that we are sinful and deluded beings, but we must never lose sight of the fact that we come to God in prayer, not to be obsessed with our sins, but to find His mercy. Otherwise the devil takes everything away from us… joy, hope, peace, love… and leaves us nothing but this obsession with our mistakes. That is not repentance. That is neurosis…”

Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, now and forever. Amen.

This is joy of our faith that we can, with utter confidence, say: “Lord have mercy.”

Love, Richard.

Prayer Unceasing

I submitted this article to The Binsey Beacon. It was published in the December 2009/January 2010 edition. It's a follow-up to my last blog entry (see below). I rather unashamedly have plagiarised some words from Fr James Coles's blog Scholé (It's my favourite blog right now)

Prayer Unceasing.

In my last letter to The Binsey Beacon (Sept 2009), I wrote about unceasing prayer, as advocated by Saint Paul in 1 Thess 5:17. I thought it might be helpful to expand a bit on what I mean by 'unceasingly'.

I have been studying the writings of the Holy Fathers, the so called 'Patriarchs of the Church', holy men who lived in the first centuries after The Resurrection of Our Lord. Some of these were taught by the Apostles, but all were very close in time to people who heard Our Lord speak – the oral tradition was still very strong. So I count their testament very highly. The study of their writings is called 'Patristics' for obvious reasons.

The study of Patristics has occupied the Eastern Church, The Orthodox in particular, throughout the years since, and many of the more recent orthodox writers have followed the tradition of the Holy Fathers too. It's interesting to note that of all the manuscripts (velum, parchment, and papyrus) that we still have from ancient times, the fragments of the Gospels and Epistles are the most numerous, and then the writings of Fathers about them. You can tell the popularity of a manuscript by the number of copies that were made – and hence the likelihood that they will survive the vagaries of time. This may be a good topic for another letter.

To return to prayer unceasing. It is pretty impossible to do nothing but say prayers all the time. You have to wash and dress and cook and work, otherwise you will die. This story about Saint Anthony the Great (c251-356) is helpful.

Abba Anthony fell into discouragement and a great darkening of thoughts, he said to God, “Lord, I want to be saved but these thoughts do not leave me alone - what shall I do in my affliction? How can I be saved?” A short while afterwards, when he got up to go out, Anthony saw a man like himself sitting at his work, getting up from his work to pray, then sitting down and plaiting a rope, then getting up again to pray. It was an angel of the Lord sent to correct and reassure him. He heard the angel saying to him, “Do this and you will be saved.” At these words, Anthony was filled with joy and courage. He did this, and he was saved.”

Even work is prayer if it is dedicated to God. Saint Gregory the Theologian (of Nazianzus) said, “remember God more often than you breathe.” Prayer is to be as natural to us as breathing, or thinking, or speaking. Somehow we need to get into the habit of prayer so that everything becomes a part of it. The point is briefly expressed in one of the Sayings of the Desert Fathers: “A monk who prays only when he stands up for prayer is not really praying at all.” (Anonymous) Saint Antiochus of the Monastery of St. Sabbas (7^th C) , alludes to the words of Ecclesiastes 3:1-7 when he says: “There is a proper time for everything except prayer: as for prayer, its proper time is always.”

So when we speak of unceasing prayer we are not saying that the words must be said unceasingly, but we are saying that the mind must be in the heart, and the heart and mind turned constantly towards God, no matter what we are doing. Again then, I suggest to you that repeating a simple prayer a goodly number of times just after you awaken, will set the mind in the heart and on God. At frequent intervals throughout the working day further short periods of concentrated focus on God are needed. And finally to go to sleep with the prayer echoing in the mind: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner”.

Remember, at this time of year especially, that He came to give you Life. What are you going to give Him for Christmas: attention, adoration, love?

His Peace be with you all this Christmas and throughout 2010. Richard.

Private Prayer

This is a reprint of a letter I wrote to The Binsey Beacon, my local church newspaper (Anglican).  It was published in the September 2009 edition.  Without it my next blog won't make much sense.

On Private Prayer

He is like a still pool, a perfect reflection - and yet it is the still pool that is the refection of the perfect Him.

Isn’t it amazing how much you can say in just a few words? True prayer isn’t about words, it’s about relationship. It’s about standing with God, at peace with Him as He is at peace with you. The hard part is silencing the noisy ego-self with it’s constant prattling on about the things we see and hear and feel. We need to put our mind in our heart, and not in our brain.

Perhaps you have sat quietly just holding the hand of someone you love deeply. To hold a newborn asleep in your arms. To stand on a mountain, silenced by the splendour, so grateful to have lived to feel that serenity. Standing in prayer is like that - no words, just love

If you know what I mean, then you’ll also know how fleeting these moments are, how infrequently we let ourselves love so deeply, how hard it is to achieve that degree of rapport. It can’t be done on demand, all you can do is to stand there, and wait, and hope.

Sometimes you will have to pour out all your worries and concerns, a great rush of words and emotions, before you can stand in silence - eventually, just to love. Sometimes you stand in silence just hoping for a single word, but it doesn’t come. Sometimes your senses will put you straight into the right mode, a smell, or a sound, or perhaps a loved-ones gentle touch, and there you are.

And even more frequently you can’t get anywhere at all, but the half-memory of the bliss makes you yearn for what you can’t quite recall.

This is where a prayer like The Jesus Prayer can help. A simple prayer, one that you can repeat easily meaning every word, concentrating on just the words, letting the ego exhaust itself, while you put your heart into the prayer. The important thing is the prayer, that is where all your focus should be. Don’t worry about all the things you want God to do, He knows. Don’t worry about all the sins you remember, He already forgave. Don’t worry about listening for His reply, you’ll hear Him when He needs you to.

Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner

Say it now. “Lord” - yes, that’s the right attitude - submit. “Jesus Christ” - yes, the God who became like me to suffer as I do and die for me. “Son of God” - yes, the whole Holy Trinity: Father, Son, and Spirit. “Have mercy on me” - in the end that’s all I can ask, because I acknowledge that I am “a sinner”. To say the prayer is to assume the attitude of love, to put your mind into your heart, and do nothing but what you are made for - Love. God does all the rest. As Saint Paul says in 1 Thess 5:17:

Pray without ceasing.

Yes - forever...

Love, Richard.